Noel and Noeleen

Noel and Noeleen Winter loved this time of year,
On the 1st of December, they'd get out all the gear,
The baubles and the tinsel would come down from the loft,
The mince pies, nuts and chocolate logs would be bought in bulk and scoffed,
They'd play party games and quizzes every night after their tea,
And leave a glass of milk and cookie out on Christmas Eve,
Because thinking of Father Christmas going hungry made them sad,
You see, at 44 years old, Noel and Noeleen were quite mad.

Strange Susan

Strange Susan was a social misfit, generally dubbed as "odd",
At school she had no friends and was always on her tod,
At work she had no invites to the Friday girls' night out,
And the men would show no interest in a girl with "nowt to flout"
But Susan didn't care, she had other things to do,
Because Susan had a virtual life online as "Cyber Sue",
Cyber Sue was a crime-fighting single mother with a past,
Who sought justice through her drop-kicks and went through lovers hard and fast,
Without her online exploits Susan could not survive,
This was her existence, this was her real life

Camilla Commonsense

Ironically, Camilla Commonsense was rather dumb,
She couldn't tell the difference between oranges and plums.

Betty Balm Cake

Betty Balm Cake loved a bun, she'd bake them all day long,
Some loved her strange ingredients, some said "that's just wrong",
She was no traditionalist when it came to baking stuff,
She tried all different flavourings, like banana skin and fluff,
Twigs and Fairy Liquid replaced chocolate drops and jam,
But Betty's all-time favourite was lemon-curd and spam.

The Thriftys

The Thriftys were a careful bunch, they liked to save a penny,
When it came to Christmas cheer, they'd rarely give you any,
When passing by a shop's display of toys, young thrifty moaned,
Mum Thrifty's heart began to melt, "son, we'll make our own",
So back at home they got to work on making Christmas fayre,
They baked sweet treats and mulled spiced wine and sewed new clothes to wear,
On Christmas morn the children woke to presents at their bed,
And though they smiled at all their gifts, they'd hoped for Wiis instead.